Friday, December 28 2007

This is not Kermit the frog. It's his cousin called Greeny the Toad.


















Nothing like banging the the little drum to energize myself in the morning.
















Back to the usual grind of mattress guarding duty.

Ok you got me. I like to chew on cork plates. Everyone has bad habits. Even babies.

How the heck do you open this can of beans? I need to eat.

Mummy's food sux as usual and I'm starving like a poor Africano kid.









Shoot. This can is baby proof.

















Even my sabre teeth cannot bite through.

Oy. Come and help me open up the can before I starve to death. Come on, quick. Don't make me spit at you.

Fine, don't help me then. Get lost and stay away from my mattress. I don't allow unhelpful people near my favourite things.

Gosh, I sure am feeling faint. Being without food for 2 hours sure is a torture.











I'm getting really grumpy now without food in my tummy. I wonder when is dinner time.

Finally....my saviours. Auntie Von Von and Uncle Jas Jas are here with some food for me. Hmmmm...not quite sure what it is but I'm just gonna eat it.

Uncle, you give me food doesn't mean that you get to hold my hand ok??

Hee Hee I just bit Uncle Jas' hand. That'll teach him to hold my hand. I'm a girl and he's a man. Daddy says boys and girls cannot hold hands.

What? Look at me for what? Go look at your wife instead. I'm already taken buddy.

Practising how to be a celebrity. Here I am 'pretending' to make a phone call to my manager. Can you also see my assistant adjusting my dress so that it looks beautiful like me?

Oy, since when I said I wanted the ugly toad on my dress?? Get it off immediately, ASSISTANT.

To be a model isn't easy. You have to wear crappy hairbands and still 'pretend' that they are the trendiest things to wear.

Hey Assistant, get me a cup of milk. I need to hydrate myself.

Uncle Jas is a weirdo. He is scaring me with his eerie smile.

Think I better make my getaway before he kills me. They say the dangerous ones are the ones who smile funny.

Wah, Uncle Jas' latest handphone sure is cool. Maybe I can stay here a bit longer. Maybe he not as looney as I thought.

Oops, I think I just killed Uncle Jas with my head butt. Better get away pronto.

Practising my most innocent look so that I can use it when the police interrogates me.

Hmmm, this tube sure tastes yummy. Why is there orange in a tube?? What the heck is a moisturizer????

This mirror sure is hard. I nearly broke my teeth biting it.

Check out the hairband. The flower is bigger than my head. Which dumb baby will wear such a hairband?

Crap. I just did a crap and mummy is too busy to notice.



















Shit. My shit is overflowing into my pants. Help. Mummy, please change my diapers now!!!!












Calling my friend Suki to inform her that I'll be late.

Suki looks like she just got wacked by her mum. HA HA Serves her right. Or maybe she just looks sad cos her mum made her tie up her hair.

Suki is such a baby. Only babies suck their thumbs.

Suki, get off the chair. Go get your own chair, sista!

I know I'm younger than Suki by a year but I sure look bigger than her. What to do? I have some korean blood. I heard koreans are really big and strong.

Tuesday, December 25 2007

Aargh, mummy don't take my ball away please. I promise not to hit you with it. Please.....

Crap. Mummy confiscated my other kickass ball and left me with this crappy toy instead. Not really sure what I'm supposed to do with this. It kinda looks like a cookie cutter except that my mummy doesn't bake so it can't be what I think it is for.

Shit. Why is Ryan having my ball? Hey Ryan, come over here for a sec. I need to ask you something. Come come....I've got something good for you over here.

Ryan, where is the ball??? Why did you leave the ball inside the cage?? You are supposed to bring it out with you.

Wah, you have a new toy huh? Let me play with it can? I promise to return it to you after I destroy it. Don't be selfish. Your mummy is a nice lady, you supposed to be nice too.

Oy, lend me can??? Why are you so selfish?

Basket. I'm sulking. Sulking really badly. Ryan didn't lend me the toy he was holding.

Don't want to be offensive to my guest Ryan, but why is he staring so intently at a blank wall? Is he seeing something that I cannot? I'm confused.


















The baby behind me just got ganna from me. I told him if he looks hard enough, he can find some left over food in the cot. He has been looking for the last 15 minutes. Truth is, I don't eat in my cot. I'm too scared of roaches. Most I do is drink some milk. But Ryan doesn't know that.


















Still thinking about just now. I can't help but laugh. I think girl babies really are smarter. Skinny is as dumb as a wooden plank. Ryan needs a few extra remedial classes himself.

Personally I'm home schooled but I think I still about a million times smarter than any baby I met so far. The talent pool really is quite thin. I'm gonna have a great life. Fortune teller told me so.


















Don't know what Ryan smiling at. But I'm still laughing at the trick I pulled on him.

Next time I tell him you can get money out of a machine, or that you can buy things from the internet. The fool.












What's this? Has someone used my bib? It looks a bit dirty.













Feed me. Not the usual crap. I want some real stuff. Plus there are signs saying no outside food allowed. I wanna eat the restaurant stuff.












I'm waiting. Hurry up. Baby's gotta eat you know.














Ok daddy fine fine. If it costs too much extra to order some extra for me, I just share your food ok?

PS: Or is he holding his head because mummy talking her usual nonsense to him. Don't blame him. I even get headaches when mummy talks to me. Half the time I can't even understand what she saying. The other half the time I can't be bothered.




















There there daddy. I understand. Chin up. I'm sure mummy will run out of breath and stop talking soon. We can all start eating then.
















Give me 2 beers and a vodkha shot. And if you ask for ID I'm gonna kick your ass. Oy. Hurry up. I'm thirsty.











Basking in the sunshine. My mummy forgot to close the blinds. Looks great on the photo, but my skin starting to blister in the heat. I give my mummy a D. D as in Dumbass.