Question: If a mushroom is a fungus, then why does the word fungus sound so freaken disgusting?
I tell you why, it sound disgusting because mushrooms don't grow on peoples fingernails or other body parts.
One of my Aunties who will remain anonymous has finger fungus. Yucks.
Anonymous my ass. It's a public health hazard that all babies should be warned about.
I won't say which Auntie it is since I don't want to be sued for defamation. But let's just say she was wearing a dress with big flowers on a white background on the day she visited me. Also she recently got ROM and tried to get a loan off me.
She also has size 10 feet.
I'm not too obvious, am I?? Well, if I am, too bad, I'm just a baby.
Who the heck is this guy? What am I? A photo prop now for any Marcus or Goh that visits our house is it? I'm gonna start charging a fee.
Well, at least one of us is happy.
Note: This guy is Auntie Big Foot's husband.
I'm sure he didn't notice it but I poked my elbow onto his tummy and it sure feels soft and cosy.
I'm sure he didn't notice it but I poked my elbow onto his tummy and it sure feels soft and cosy.
Oh Uncle ST (soft tummy), put me back down so I can finish my massage.
Mr, I got nothing against people that wear glasses, but put yourself in my shoes. I am about 4 feet off the ground, so if you drop me I gonna get ganna. Would you want someone to carry YOU if they can't freaken see straight without artificial help? Can't you see I'm nervous.
Practicing baby yoga. I'm thinking of opening up a yoga studios. Yes I know I know, there are too many of them around. Every dog and its cat seems to have opened a studio. My one though will be just for babies.
No mummies allowed. I don't want to get sued because some mummy rolled and squashed one of my patrons right? Adults are a freaken health hazard to us poor babies. I know, mummy has stopped dropping me, but now she sometimes forgets I'm next to her. Next thing you know, I'm a roti prata.
My legs are developing nicely. I think I'm strong enough to kick a dog to death.
Speaking of which my daddy told me a story. When my daddy was only 2 years old he killed a dog. Well sorta. Daddy just wanted to visit and pat the dog. Since the dog refused to come out of doghouse, daddy went inside the dog house. Next thing you know the evil dog bit my daddy. Daddy didn't cry first, first he poked the dog back right in the eye to blind it, then he cried. The owner had to put the dog to sleep.
Side note: Of course nowdays you can go Vet and repair. But in those old days in Korea, where to get Vet? Can't even get Doctors for people. Korea was very poor. Lucky I'm half Indo. Indo people all rich.
Here I am practicing my boxing technique.
My granddaddy on my dad's side was an amateur boxing champion while he served in the Korean army. He taught my daddy since he was young. Now my daddy teaching me.
Lucky my dad's family so strong. I'm gonna grow up to be a bully. Better to be bully than bullied right?
Jab, jab take that you ugly punk. Now hand over your lunch money before I slap you one for the road.
This is another of my mummy's friends. My daddy calls her pinhead on account of her abnormal head to body ratio. It's so unusual even I had to take a double look. Even my granddaddy on my mummy's side who saw pinhead like 100 years ago when mummy still in school, recently commented "arrhhhh isn't that girl the one with small head long time ago?". ha ha.
Since I am a respectful baby I won't call her Pinhead. I will call her Auntie PH (for Pin Head). I'm a good baby.
Just now she stare at me for what? Hasn't she seen a cute baby before. I should be staring at HER. She is the one with the pinhead afterall. Ka pui.
Should I kick her, or punch her? Or both? Decisions decisions.
Maybe I should forgive her. She can't help it if she has no manners. Also she is my mummy's friend.
Then again, I need to practice my kicks and punches on a living target. Maybe I should take swipe at her. At least once. I got a reputation to maintain.
Auntie PH come over here. Where are you going Auntie? I know you just ate chicken, and now you acting like chicken? Come over here auntie, I show you stare stare. I'm gonna ganna you.
She didn't come over. Now I feel like crying. Lucky daddy is here to comfort me. Don't worry daddy I won't let you down. Next time I freaken give her 2 slaps instead of 1. Payback will be a b*tch.
Hmmm is now the right time to execute my famous b*tch slap on her? She is smiling like an idiot and looks unaware.
Hold on hold on... who's holding me up? Is it mummy? Or is it Auntie. Oh shit, should I take the risk or not?
Mummy I don't want. I have enough photos with you. Can't you see I'm pretending to fall asleep.
Ok lah. I throw you a bone. I'm trying my best to smile so take your happy pic and let me the heck down afterwards. Deal?
Finally she lets me down. I love my mummy but I freaken feel like strangling her sometimes. I know how daddy feels now.
Did mummy just trip on my mat and fall on her ass? Ha ha. That will teach you. Do it again? I wanna see replay!
I'm still thinking about just now when mummy fell onto her ass. Damn that was funny. No idea why, but it was. Maybe I place my toys on the floor more and I can see it again?
I'm sick here. Blame mummy. She got the flu. She passed to me. Then I passed it on to poor daddy. I'm waiting for my medicine.
This medicine tastes pretty good since its strawberry flavoured. And sure does beat getting those jabs. I don't even know what a strawberry is, but when I get old enough, I'm buying some so I can blend it and drink some more.
I know daddy. It's as painful for you as it is for me. Mummy is a torture sometimes. When you see a photo and only one person is smiling, its easy to guess who the family idiot is.
Still maintaining my side on pose. Aside from looking like a hotty, I'm trying screw up the photo to piss mummy off.
Is it over yet? Can I go back to normal?
I had enough, let me go. I don't care if you mummy or not. Enough is enough. I need to freaken clean the floors before I get my bath you know. I got a schedule to keep.
Fine mummy. For today YOU clean the floors ok? Pose pose lah, no problems. Like this?
Good enough? Now I want my bath. Remember to clean the floors nice nice ok mummy? I need to impress Auntie Imelda just in case I have to run away from home and need a place to stay.
Why we still having same pose? Aren't we done?
My left arm was swinging to execute the b*tch slap but Auntie PH grabbed my arm. She is not as dumb as she looks. I better move onto an easier target.
Oh mummy? Where are you?
No fun. No fun. Let me go. Mummy not cleaning the floor right. There is dirt everywhere. I need to direct mummy.
Damn you got bean shoots stuck in between your 2 big front tooth. No wonder you are still single. You got leftover foods stuck on teeth, how do you expect men to wanna kiss you??!! Come come, let me teach you how to brush and floss teeth.
I've been abducted by a freaken alien. She looks like a human, but her head is smaller by miles.
E.T, go back. E.T go back!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment