Tuesday, June 26 2007

I have a new hairstyle. I went to David Gun's salon. But I was discriminated against. David said he only does celebrities. I told him I have a blog and I'm famous too. But I guess the guy doesn't know how to read or something.

I told him to take his short fat ass and shove it in a dim sum skin. From now on I call him David Shiny since he has shiny head.

Mummy did my hair but she gave me the front fringe. Better than David Gun any day. Ka phewy on Shiny.

Boy I sorta look a bit like fat boy. Maybe my haircut isn't that good after all. What's David Gun number again?

Daddy has a new hair cut. So do I. What you looking at? Ka Phewy.

Daddy doesn't look very on. He's very tired from work lately. The customer is driving him nuts. I've been reducing my crying fits to give him a break. I'm a nice baby.

What was that? Did mummy just give me the bird? What's up with that man? I'm just a baby. I gonna stick my finger back at you. Then you know not to be rude to me and daddy.

I learnt this trick from an ostrich. I don't think mummy can find me. Lately she getting too much lah. She doubled my cleaning duties as Auntie Imelda doesn't come as often anymore.

Auntie Imelda got hustled by the Manila Mafia. So she doesn't come so often as she is in hiding.

Maybe I should tuck my legs in. I don't think mummy would notice, but why take the chance?

Buzz off. I told you I'm hiding. Find your own spot dumbass.

Call me little buddha. I look like a buddha, but only just a tad more adorable looking.

Ok, I shall pretend that I'm a little buddha sitting on a lotus leaf.

*yawn* Damn boring being a buddha. How can a buddha tolerate just sitting there doing nothing everyday.

Maybe I should pretend to be something else. Being a little buddha is tough.

Cleaning as you can see. Maybe I need to go see the Manila Mafia and petition them to give Auntie Imelda a break. Come on lah, she is just a maid, they shake her for what? Manila Mafia are bunch of dummies. They should target kids like Fat Boy. Fat boy has no money either (he is a baby afterall), but they can sell him in America for a tidy profit. Asian is the in thing over there right now. Plus they can't tell the difference between ugly and cute when it comes to Asians.

Me with my amigos. I'm in the middle of giving them all instructions before I take a nap. They do bodyguard duties while I sleep.

Hey, Hippo, look sharp or I will toss your lazy ass off my cot. Sheez. Hard to get good help nowadays.

My scary boss look. Learnt it from daddy. It means basically "don't F**k with me or I break your legs, cut your fingers off, make you eat your own nuts, and then poke you with a stick".

Doing my new exercise. It's called a sit-up. You try to sit up. I'm almost there.

Actually I just tossed one of my buddies by mistake, I'm trying to retrieve the poor guy. I threw the wrong one.

Shouldn't I be in my command center? Why did mummy put me on the bumbo chair. I need to work you know.

Who is this lady? She looks like she just sold her backside for $5. She's turning away in shame.

Oh, it's you Auntie BF. No offense but you sorta look like SH*t. What happenend to you? Big Tummy didn't kick you out, did he? Been sleeping on the street? You do sorta smell.

PS: She the one with fungus, maybe she worried about that.

Can you leave me alone. I'm not a snob but come on lah. You basically a homeless person since your own mummy and daddy kicked you out, and your hubby did the same. Find another place to sleep lady. This is MY house. No room for people with big feet.

Hey calm down. Don't get angry. I'm just being honest. Our place is 1000 sq foot. You have 2 big foot. We only have 998 foot if you stay with us. Cannot lah. I am too squeezed already.

Boy, she gone koo koo. I'm getting scared. Where's daddy?

I better cry. She really scaring me. Look at her face. I can't even smell any alcohol on her. She might throw me soon like a football.

Laugh at what Auntie. You scaring the shit out of me. Let me go. You had your fun. Time for me to get back to ahhh .... cleaning or something.