My ogre ears are different from those other knock-offs. Mine comes from a real ogre baby which my daddy caught... and cracked its skull and ripped the ears off. Horrible story, but hey, that's life, I really wanted a genuine pair. Basically I have the Louis Vuitton of ogre ears, everyone else has a china knock-off as far as I'm concerned.
Life ain't bad with a pair of genuine ogre ears. I've got super hearing now. I can hear 4 times as good as before. I can hear mummy trying to sneak up behind to surprise me. I'm going to wave my hands shortly as if by accident, but in actual fact I'm going to smack her face on purpose. Then I'm going to cry as if my hand hurts.
I can hear her getting closer, time to prepare my hands to take my "accidental" swipe... I thought of a song last night and it goes like this:
Mummy is my mummy
She is also a dummy
When I wave my arms and legs
She is always getting in the way
I can't help it sure I can't
I'm just a baby and mean no harm
Mummy is my mummy
She is also a dummy.. la la..
No more ogre ears. I got bored already. I want to practice my daily flips now. I still can't fully flip, so I'm a bit behind. Some people think I can't flip because I'm too chubby. The real reason is because I don't want to flip. First it's a little flip, then they will want me to crawl, then before you know it's "yoo-ri let's try walking", and before you know it they will give me a bus ticket and expect me to travel via public transport. Forget it... I'm no sucker. I'd rather play safe and pretend I have no mobility whatsoever as long as I can get away with it.
Look at me. I'm pretending to crawl. I don't know how yet, or at least that's what I've convinced my mummy and daddy. I stick my arms and legs out as if I'm swimming. Like I said, I'm no dummy, I'm going to be helpless as I can, for as long as I can.
I'm not looking at the toy. I think I just spotted some snot on my mat, and it's not mine. It must be from mummy. I noticed she keeps putting her finger in her nose and flicking little snots. I wish she would do it away from my mat. It's not only unhygenic, it's a disgusting habit even by my baby standards.
I'm crying. Mummy just flicked another snot onto my mat. Enough is enough.
I'm chasing mummy off my mat. I going to keep my eye on her in case she tries to flick another snot piece onto my mat. I'm going to protect my turf and keep it clean. It's not much, but this mat is mine, and I will defend it.
Don't try it mummy. Don't try it. I've got my eye on you. If I see another snot flying through the air and land on my mat, I'm going to pick it up and throw it back.
This baby is called Ryan. He belongs to my mummy's friend, Auntie Phoebe. Everytime I see him, I feel like poking his eye.
Come closer... come a little closer Ryan... Soon I will be able to poke your eye. Too bad my hands are too short. Come on cutie Ryan.....
Tricky punk, you pulled back before I got to poke you. Laugh while you can, next time I'll get you. Grrrrrr
Damn I took a swing and missed.
Wah lau, this Ryan punk very tricky. He pulled away again. Mummy stop it.... let me get close to him so I can teach him a lesson. Cheeky PUNK, come back. I wanna "touch" you back.
Oh shit, I'm in enemy territory. Ryan's mummy holding me. I better pretend I like her son. I don't wanna get "accidentally" dropped.
Laugh all you want Ryan. Your mummy can't protect you forever.
Damn, why are my legs so short. Can't even reach his backside.
You want to touch my hand is it? No worries lah. I just wiped my backside with it and blew my snot. Welcome, go ahead. Come come, touch my hands.
Remember to wipe your mouth later ok??? :P
Need a maid to feed you huh? What happened to your own hands? Scratching your backside?
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