Wednesday, June 13 2007

I'm sitting down reflecting on what to do today. Hmm, I've already napped, fed, bathed and played. Hmmm what to do next......I know, I will take a nap, feed, bathe and play. A baby like me has a busy schedule.

I'm preparing for my nap. Don't like naps very much, but after that I get to feed and I like that activity a lot better.

Come to think of it nap, feed, bathe, play is sorta boring. How come I can't do other stuff? Hmmm.... I know. Why don't I nap, feed, bathe, and play.

I'm doing an unapproved task. I'm busy watching TV. Mummy banned me, but Daddy lets me. Mummy put the remote control out of my reach though. Hmm boring watching just one channel.

Where is the remote control? How to watch TV without a remote control? I might as well be in a cinema. Basket.

Mummy, you scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Give me the darn remote control or I start crying in other words.

Oh yeah forgot, mummy also makes me clean the floors every morning. Mummy told me it's like play, but more fun. The other babies told me it's child labour and mummy is exploiting me. Doesn't matter though, the joke's on mummy. I only PRETEND to clean. Actually I just wave my arms around and am practicing my crawling technique. I can't crawl yet, but I'm aiming to more mobile in the next month or so.

I'm cleaning cleaning.... yeah right! If you believe that then let me know who you are so I can con you some more.

What am I .. a maid? I know I'm indonesian, but come on lah, there are some indonesians that do something other than cleaning other people's house for a living.

Nothing wrong with cleaning. Nothing wrong with maids, but I'm still just a baby. Plus I don't get paid anything and they don't even give me any food. All I get is milk, and they force me to sleep in a little cot even against my will. Where are the freaken police when you need them. I'm being exploited.

Take that mummy. I just drooled on the floor. I'm cleaning, I'm making more dirty. Ha Ha. So many maids to get from outside but they give the job to me just because I can't demand a wage. Cheapos.

I think I missed a spot on the floor. I better go over there and drool on that spot. That spot looks too clean. I'm not the maid, I'm the Anti maid. I'm the opposite of a maid:

* Maid usually ugly (I'm stunning in appearance)
* Maid gets paid (I don't)
* Maid cleans (I make a mess)
* Maid obeys people (I just cry even for no reason to piss people off)
* Maid needs money (I'm bankrupt already so need money for what?)

Phew. Finished the cleaning (or dirtying actually). Mummy put me on daddy's bed. Mummy says the bed belongs to her, but come on lah, let's get real here. She sorta reminds me of a midget. Bed's too big so can't be hers. Must be daddy's.

One day I will trade-in my cot for a bed. The cot is not bad, but it's sorta hard to get out with the wooden grills. Plus it makes me feel like a caged up monkey in the zoo.

This is a close-up. I look like I'm thinking of something important. It always impresses mummy. This time round I really was thinking of something. Can't remember what, but it was something important.... actually come to think of it, nah, my brain was empty as usual.

I feel like a drool is gonna come out of my mouth. I'm sure mummy won't mind though. Daddy sorta smells sometimes and he sleeps on the bed all the time. My drool smells like cotton candy compared to daddy.

Here I am with Mr Wentinake. I call him Wentinake since he is part worm, part centipede, and part snake. I'm about to munch on his head and deposit some drool on him, but he doesn't seem to mind. He hasn't complained once so far. Even if he does, too bad lah. I'm the boss.

With my daddy at Paragon. Daddy came home early today to bring me out. Paragon is a very expensive place. It's owned by SPH group. They paid approximately SGD$1Billion and also got the Promenade as part of the deal. They haven't made much money off it yet though because they bought in 1997 just before the asian economic crisis. Iddiots. The guy in charge of SPH must have been hit with the dumb stick when he was a baby like me. Give ME a billion bucks, I will know what to do. I would give a dollar to each baby I meet. Then I would collect a dollar 20 cents after 1 month from them, otherwise break their legs. Daddy told me this method of making money. Daddy is super smart.

Yoo-ri: Hey Ryan. Wanna borrow a dollar from me?
















Ryan: Why I need a dollar for?
Yoo-ri: A baby always needs some spare cash. I lend to you since you a friend.

Ryan: Really? Thanks Yoo-ri. The other babies said you really scary. They said their broken legs were done by you. But you really nice. Can you lend me 2 dollars?

Yoo-ri: Oh course. But keep your voice down, our mummies might hear. We have to keep it a secret ok?

Ryan: Ok Yoo-ri, whatever you say.

Yoo-ri: (thinking to herself) Hmmmm Ryan is a friend. Should I really lend him money at illegal interest rates? I sorta feel a bit bad. Plus his legs so fat, they are gonna be hard to break if he can't pay up later. What should I do? Lend or not lend?

Ryan: (thinking to himself) Oh shit. Is she gonna cry??? If she cries, I'm dead. Her mummy is just here and my mummy is not.

Ryan: Come on Yoo-ri, give me the 2 dollars you promised. I see a popcorn stand near by. Maybe I can buy a bucket and share it with you. I can even buy you an ice cream.

Yoo-ri: Ryan, you think your 2 dollars very big ah? 2 dollars can't even buy half a bucket of popcorn. Why wanna borrow 2 more dollars?

I sure hope Ryan can pay up the 2 dollar 20 cents next month. He's a friend. But business is business. I can't maintain my lifestyle without my side line. Currently I only have one Louis Spitton t-shirt. I've been eyeing to buy a few more this month...

Heck it lah, he made his own decision. He'd better pay up or he is gonna get the usual treatment.

Or maybe not. Auntie Phoebe is a nice lady. Don't want her to be so sad because Ryan got broken legs.

I know. I just get 2 dollar back next month. I won't charge the interest. From a net present value perspective of course it means I lost some money but money is not the only objective in life right? Plus there are many other babies to scam.

Speaking of which, I wonder when I get to see fat boy again?

He's the only baby that thinks you need to pay a full one dollar for every dollar borrowed. I suspect he confusing it with happy hour at a pub.