Saturday, July 28 2007

Start of a new day. I've just broken this toy. It's a promising start. It's a weekend. Lots of things for a baby to do on a weekend....

Like sitting for example on the couch and watching TV. Just pretend you didn't see my shorts. I know they look crap. But what to do? My mummy spends all her money on expensive bags and clothes just for herself. I get the hand me downs, the crap stuff on discount that no one wants. My mummy got my striped shorts from the $1.99 store. Basket.

Moving on. I better do some thinking to exercise my brain.... ok done for the day, time to switch off again and go into baby mode.

Nope, I better do some more thinking. Should I do a sudoku puzzle? Or should I do a crossword? Mummy where is my pencil and paper?

Like Singapore public servants I work 1/2 day on the weekends. What to do? My mummy doesn't work so I do my best to help daddy out.

Time for my lunchtime meal. Food sucks as normal, but when you work as hard as me, I just treat food as fuel. I'm not a fussy baby.

Oh shoot. I've only had to endure a few cubes a day, mummy just prepared a freaken double serving today. I'm already starting to feel like puking. Mummy what did I do wrong? I promise not to do it again whatever it is. Promise.

Basket. Mummy gonna get her revenge. I'm about to eat something that looks as bad as steamed, pureed broccoli. Oh yeah, it *IS* steamed, pureed broccoli. Basket.

Even my foot is complaining about the food.

Take a photo quick while daddy is distracted. He doesn't like photos so it's a rare chance. I love taking photos with daddy, unlike mummy who is always pestering me for photos ops. She's like the paparazzi or something. Basket.

Catching some rays with mummy. I'm a bit white, need a tan.

Hey buddy on the bike, get the heck out of the picture. Can't you see we having a family moment. I'm going to get a stick so I can poke it between your wheels so you flip into the river you donkey. No respect for babies. Basket.

Darn I'm good. Bike rider ran away. Ok daddy take the picture I've scared away the stranger.

Do I look as tough as my daddy. I know, I know, I'm not quite there yet. What to do? I'm just a baby. But I'm making progress. I can scare the shit out of Fat Boy already. I need to improve though and increase my group of victims. Hey mummy, when is Ryan going to visit next time. I want to "play" with him...

Look at my arms. I've got huge muscles like daddy. Ok fine, actually my arms are filled with fat not muscle. But you think dummies like Fat Boy can tell the difference? Unless you don't know, most babies can't eat without their parents scooping the slop into their mouths, and they shit all over the place. No control. They are very gullible. That's why I can make money by lending them money. They all damn stupid. I quote them 20% interest, but ask for 40% when I collect. They still pay up. They would give a goldfish a run for its money in terms of short term memory.

Ok mummy. I throw you a bone ok? I'm smiling along with you see see? I'm a very charitable baby.

Hey enough. One photo I said. Let me go now mummy.

Basket? What you doing? I said one photo, now you taking 3 and still going. Give a finger take an arm is it? Just because I'm a baby you trying to take advantage is it? Basket.

Take a right fist! You my mummy and all but come on lah, even a baby has its rights you know. Now let me down before I give you a big kick to accompany the punch I just delivered. Basket.

Darn, she not intimidated. Fine lah, one more picture ok? Snap away daddy. But I refuse to smile this time. Take that!

How do you look so fierce daddy. Can you teach me? I wanna be a bully like you when I grow up.

How's that? Do I look fierce. Damn I know. It's not as good as daddy's. I need to practice some more. Maybe I should shave my head.