Friday, November 30 2007

Don't look at me. I don't know why mummy and daddy got me this romper that says "Player". I'm no player, I'm just a baby.

The only player I know is my Auntie Pin Head. She's the biggest player in the dating field so I heard. Tsk tsk tsk. Now I know why they say the older you are, the hotter you get.

What's mummy doing at the kitchen? Is she burning down the kitchen? I smell something foul.

Shit. I better crawl away quickly before I become Goreng Yoo-ri.

Roasted cuttlefish. I heard it's bad for you but what the heck. Of course I can't really eat it since I don't have enough teeth. I'm just posing for the photo.

Auntie Big Foot: Is that a new Zara store?
Uncle Big Face: Shit Big Foot is eyeing a new store. I'm sure to ganna. We gonna go from 3 bedroom to 1 room very shortly.

Auntie Big Foot: Buy buy buy.

Uncle Big Face: Why did I agree to go out. I should be working. Spending all day with a crew of banglas isn't pleasant, but at least I don't burn a hole in my wallet.

This is part of my Mocca ad I'm creating. It goes something like:

You like my couch?
It's green.
It's very big, just like my IQ
The color matches my shorts (sorta)
And I'm willing to sell if the price is right

Baby not included.

Practising my acting skills for future use when I get into korean drama. Here I'm pretending to be feeling faint. See, I even got my daddy fooled into supporting me up.

Gosh, I knew I was good, but I didn't know I was THAT good.

Hollywood, Bollywood, here I come!!!!!!! Just daydreaming about all the $$$ that I'm gonna be earning in future.

Just watching some TV program on TV. Kinda boring though. These actors sure can't act. I wish I can grow up faster then I can teach these people how to do proper acting. They sure are crap.

Oh hi there, just called my agent to inform her that I'll be unavailable for any autograph sessions for the period of January. Can't be helped. I will be attending a very important event in Melbourne. I'm supposed to be the VIP of a certain very important person's birthday bash.

Alright alright, I'll tell you whose birthday bash I'm supposed to grace but you must keep it a secret. She's really popular I heard so we don't want any gatecrashers for the event.

Alright alright, stop bugging me. I'll tell you ok.

Her name is Kim Yoo-Ri. :)

Ha Ha Ha I'm so happy. I'm gonna have my birthday soon. I'll have lots of presents and lots of new clothes to wear.

I also hear that I'll be travelling by business class. I'll be able to order lots of foods and drinks from the SQ aunties.














My innocent expression. What you don't know is that I just swatted a fly and took a crap while doing it. Mummy gonna smell a surprise when she comes close to me. I need to keep this blur look a bit longer to make her sucker in.

















Come on mummy, your baby so innocent. I'm just waiting for you. Come to baby!
















Oh ummmmm, hi.... whatever the smell it's not me ok imelda? Shit what was meant for mummy, the poor auntie got instead.















Is this lady's nose blocked? Can she smell at all? I just took a crap and it's been fermenting. What the heck is she smiling at? Man all I can do is join her. Ha ha. It's funny.

















This is what adults sit on. It's less sophisticated than my own high tech chair, but since there are more adults in the world, they can't get a nice chair like mine.

I'm going to deposit some of my snot on the surface. I know it's petty but after all the snot I keep picking up when I crawl on the floor (Thanks to mummy flicking them), I need to get some revenge right? It's only fair.

Tuesday, November 27 2007

Hmm, time to practise my 'ugly' poses. Daddy is behind me and mummy is somewhere out there (most likely twiddling her toes and fingers and admiring her bag collection) so it's safe for me to do my ugly faces without disturbances.

Ugly pose 1: Frown with squinty eyes and pouty mouth and food stuck all over my face.

Sidenote: this pose kinda reminds me of my Uncle Rumpel when he frowns whenever Auntie Big Foot overspends on shopping.

Ugly pose 2: Wide eyed look with pouty mouth and food stuck all over my face.

Sidenote: this pose kinda reminds me of my Auntie Joei. Only difference is she looks like this all the time. HA HA HA

Ugly pose 3: Hip hop stance with food all over face.

Sidenote: this pose reminds me of Auntie Joei when she's hanging loose with mummy. Yeah, this is how she sits - with her legs wide open. Tsk tsk tsk.














Shit. Mummy was hiding below the table snapping pictures of my ugly poses. I'm in deep shit.

By the way, the top I'm wearing is sponsored by the most elegant, demure Auntie Big Foot.

Back to my normal pretty self. Damn, I do have a model look. Check out my pose. Umm, do try to ignore my ugly shorts with the string dangling down.

Also, ignore my daddy in the background.

What the heck does this shorts come with strings for? The only purpose that it serves probably is to floss my teeth. Which crap designer designed this shorts?

What's mummy looking so happy for? What's so funny? What's she laughing at? Makes me mad whenever she laughs at me. I'm gonna teach her a lesson.

There you go. That'll teach you to laugh at me mummy. How does it feel being wacked on the face with a phone?

Not smiling anymore are you? Ha ha ha
















Shoot. Daddy's coming back. Better do my innocent act-blue look.

















I got chased out of the house by daddy for hitting mummy.

Daddy said I'm to reflect on what I did and apologize when I'm ready.

Let me munch on my choc chip cookie and think about it. Hmmm, yummy.....choc chip cookies sure do taste yummy.





And this roasted cuttlefish sure tastes great too.

Wait a minute, was I supposed to be reflecting on something? What is it again? I forgot. Damn, this cuttlefish really is the best I've tasted.

Waiter, get me more cuttlefish will you? Those stuff is the best I've tasted. Good job, Mr Chef.

Hmmm, what's that little boy looking at? Buzz off little boy. You are too young for me. Go look at other baby girls your league. I'm way out of your league buddy. Shoo!!!!

Let me give him my "I'm not interested so buzz off" look. Saw mummy give this look to daddy a lot of times.

Auntie Big Foot, mummy says this pic is specially for you so that you can check out my shoes!!!!

PS: It's not red, it's not patent. It's just a plain pair of white shoes.

Sunday, November 25 2007

Hi there, just woke up. As you can see, I'm on the table. My mummy chased me out of my bed yesterday just because I stuck out my tongue at her.

Will you call the baby abuse bureau on my behalf please?

Oh I see, my daddy is also sleeping on the couch. I guess he must have stuck out his tongue at mummy as well. Poor us.

Guess I better not stick out my tongue at mummy in future. Maybe I should just give her my special grimace instead. That's not considered rude I suppose.

Is it just me, or did I just see another kid in my apartment. Shit. What's up with that? I can't even have a dog or cat. Then my mummy goes off and gets another kid.

Don't be shy. Come over here. How else can I beat the crap out of you and show you who the number one baby is in this house? Give you a clue curly locks, it's not you, and there is only you and me in this place.

Don't cheat. I can't stand up yet. Get back to crawling mode and compete fair. I can out crawl you anytime anywhere. But you know that already don't you? That's why you show off and try to walk instead.

Did you just litter on my floor? Only I can do that. Work your way up kid. Life is not for free you know.

Ha ha. The newcomer is in shock. She never seen a baby that can multi task like me. Not only did I just wave my hands to distract her, I farted at the same time. She just realized the air quality changed. ha ha.

Ok now. Let's do an initiation ceremony Curly. You need to lick the ground on the spot I'm pointing to right now ok? Don't mind the wet spot. It's holy water not my spit ok?

Ok ok enough already. You got it wrong. When you kiss ass, it literally means my ass you ding dong. Unless I'm mistaken you got my head just now. Now bend over and position yourself correctly.

You can hide all you like. But let me give you some advice newbie. That silly little drum isn't much cover for a big girl like you. Where did they find you from?

Quick. I better hide all my good stuff before Curly wants to share. I got her distracted with all the old broken stuff for now.

Hey mummy, can't you see I'm trying to sleep. Stop trying to disturb me. Don't think I didn't hear what you and daddy did last night. I couldn't get to sleep with all the noise. Freaken heck. Why can't you order babies from the storks like other parents. I think what you and daddy try to do won't work. Just disturb my sleep that's all.

I'm practicing my model pose. I may never be a bikini model with my frame (inherited from mummy), but at least my face is good (inherited from daddy).

Pretending to watch TV. Actually I really am watching TV. I can also operate the remote. Currently I'm learning how to change channels.

Me studying. I'm a smart baby. Even though mummy not so smart, lucky for me my daddy is a genius. Thank god. I like mummy and all, but come on lah, you need brains to get ahead in life right?

Then again, maybe I study later. Looks like something good on TV.

















Or maybe I can watch TV and study same time.

Ha ha. Daddy I caught you. I knew you wanted to stay in my cot. I make you deal ok? I live outside the cot, you live inside the cot. We switch ok? Then 5pm daily I come over and give you food too. I saw this arrangement on TV animal channel. It seems like a very nice arrangement.