Tuesday, June 5 2007 (story written by Yoo-ri's dad)

The story below is fictional. Any representation of real events is purely coincidental. However, Ryan did really molest my backside and touch my hands. :P




My ogre ears are different from those other knock-offs. Mine comes from a real ogre baby which my daddy caught... and cracked its skull and ripped the ears off. Horrible story, but hey, that's life, I really wanted a genuine pair. Basically I have the Louis Vuitton of ogre ears, everyone else has a china knock-off as far as I'm concerned.













Life ain't bad with a pair of genuine ogre ears. I've got super hearing now. I can hear 4 times as good as before. I can hear mummy trying to sneak up behind to surprise me. I'm going to wave my hands shortly as if by accident, but in actual fact I'm going to smack her face on purpose. Then I'm going to cry as if my hand hurts.













I can hear her getting closer, time to prepare my hands to take my "accidental" swipe... I thought of a song last night and it goes like this:

Mummy is my mummy
She is also a dummy
When I wave my arms and legs
She is always getting in the way
I can't help it sure I can't
I'm just a baby and mean no harm
Mummy is my mummy
She is also a dummy.. la la..






No more ogre ears. I got bored already. I want to practice my daily flips now. I still can't fully flip, so I'm a bit behind. Some people think I can't flip because I'm too chubby. The real reason is because I don't want to flip. First it's a little flip, then they will want me to crawl, then before you know it's "yoo-ri let's try walking", and before you know it they will give me a bus ticket and expect me to travel via public transport. Forget it... I'm no sucker. I'd rather play safe and pretend I have no mobility whatsoever as long as I can get away with it.



Look at me. I'm pretending to crawl. I don't know how yet, or at least that's what I've convinced my mummy and daddy. I stick my arms and legs out as if I'm swimming. Like I said, I'm no dummy, I'm going to be helpless as I can, for as long as I can.

I'm not looking at the toy. I think I just spotted some snot on my mat, and it's not mine. It must be from mummy. I noticed she keeps putting her finger in her nose and flicking little snots. I wish she would do it away from my mat. It's not only unhygenic, it's a disgusting habit even by my baby standards.















I'm crying. Mummy just flicked another snot onto my mat. Enough is enough.















I'm chasing mummy off my mat. I going to keep my eye on her in case she tries to flick another snot piece onto my mat. I'm going to protect my turf and keep it clean. It's not much, but this mat is mine, and I will defend it.










Don't try it mummy. Don't try it. I've got my eye on you. If I see another snot flying through the air and land on my mat, I'm going to pick it up and throw it back.










This baby is called Ryan. He belongs to my mummy's friend, Auntie Phoebe. Everytime I see him, I feel like poking his eye.
















Come closer... come a little closer Ryan... Soon I will be able to poke your eye. Too bad my hands are too short. Come on cutie Ryan.....

















Tricky punk, you pulled back before I got to poke you. Laugh while you can, next time I'll get you. Grrrrrr










Damn I took a swing and missed.

Wah lau, this Ryan punk very tricky. He pulled away again. Mummy stop it.... let me get close to him so I can teach him a lesson. Cheeky PUNK, come back. I wanna "touch" you back.








Oh shit, I'm in enemy territory. Ryan's mummy holding me. I better pretend I like her son. I don't wanna get "accidentally" dropped.











Laugh all you want Ryan. Your mummy can't protect you forever.
















Damn, why are my legs so short. Can't even reach his backside.












You want to touch my hand is it? No worries lah. I just wiped my backside with it and blew my snot. Welcome, go ahead. Come come, touch my hands.

Remember to wipe your mouth later ok??? :P
















Need a maid to feed you huh? What happened to your own hands? Scratching your backside?

Tuesday, June 5 2007

Today I'm feeling really hungry. Let me taste this spider and see if it tastes yummy. Hopefully it doesn't taste as vile as the stupid fly.














Aaaah, what's this now?? I've turned into baby shrek!!!!

















I don't think I look very nice with shrek ears. Take it off now, mummy.



















Let me take another look. Nope, shrek ears look horrid on me. Take IT OFF.
















There!!! Now I look MUCH BETTER.


















What are you looking at?? Such a busybody.













Go away now before I box you.

















Now you are making me frown. GO AWAY!!!!!

Monday, June 4 2007

This morning, mummy made me do my floor exercises right before my bath. Look, I can grab the ball and bite it too. That will teach it to roll away from me.











Mummy is always trying to disturb my quality time with daddy in the morning. What's up with that man??? Can't you leave us father and daughter for just a little while??!!!

















I know daddy is sad because he is going to have to leave me for work soon.

Well well, poor daddy. I can emphathize with you, daddy. I know it is really hard to leave such a cutie pie like me.














I'm thinking about how to make mummy buy me a toy later. Hmmm.....how shall I do it? How?

















Damn. Mummy did a bad job dying my hair. Now I got to re-dye my hair.

















Let me imitate mummy when she does yoga. Oom oom omm omm

Adults sure are a weird bunch.















I'm trying to catch a fly with my mouth. Aaaaah......












Yummy!!! Caught that stupid fly. That'll teach it to fly in my territory.

















Ooops!! I just vomitted the fly. It is a crappy tasting fly. Yucks. Remind me never to eat flies anymore. They taste sucks.

Arrrgghhh, the aftertaste of the fly is still lingering in my mouth. Help me!!! Pui pui pui.....I can still taste it.













My plot to get mummy to buy me new toys worked. Look at all my new toys.

Am I a genius or am I a genius??










Daddy just came back. I'm gonna pretend to cry to get mummy into trouble. Serves her right for ignoring me the whole day.















Today, mummy brought me to Great World City and I made a new friend, Nicholas. Mummy also bumped into Auntie Lilaine and Lukas while we were there. Lukas is still a cheeko pei as before. He is always grinning like a cheshire cat whenever he sees me. Scary.





Here is Lukas and he is stealing my toy!!!! Grrrrrr......

When I grow bigger, I'm going to take my revenge on him by taking away his sweets. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrr














Lukas, get so excited for what?? Your mummy and my mummy are just there trying to snap our pictures. *yawn*

Can my mummy do something different for once??? I'm bored shitless.








Know why I like to sit on the pram?? I can act like a big boss here with my leg perched up on the tray and make mummy push me around. Wahahaha

Mummy's not the boss. I AM THE BOSS.














That's daddy trying to entertain me before mummy gives me my bedtime feed.

Maybe if I pretend not to notice mummy, she'll forget that it's bedtime.

Sunday, June 3 2007

Lately I noticed my face a bit chubby. Also I noticed my aunties all look different. I got one auntie who seems to have really big feet. Another has these huge boobs (feel sorry for her future baby because it's gonna have a tough time tackling those knockers). And another that looks like an ah lian (daddy already explained it to me). Hmm life is not as simple as I thought. Too many new things... Lucky I have my ball ball to throw at mummy when I get frustrated. She thinks I'm throwing the ball randomly. Little does she know I'm actually throwing it at her, but my aim not too good yet.

I just threw the ball ball and hit mummy right on the nose. At least I achieved something good for today. Now if I can only get it consistent, I can give her one good toss for everytime she drops me.














Just took my bath. Getting ready to toss the ball at mummy shortly. I can't wait.













Damn, mummy must have gotten wiser. She has changed the routine. No ball throwing this morning. We going for a walk instead.















The sun is really scorching hot. Which idiots walk at this time of the day? Us it seems.

















My dad always looks scary to strangers. I need to practice as well so next time I can bully the other kids. I'm going to a neighbourhood school so I need to toughen up and kick some local ass.














I like my hat. Also the shrek ears aren't bad. Macdonalds claims the proceeds go to charity. Personally I think it's a con job. THe money is probably going to the same place as where that NKF money went. Who cares though, frankly at my age I couldn't give a shit if some poor kid can't get his daily dose of milk, or pocket money to buy some solids.














Those dogs. One of the mangy mutts just crapped in the grass. Ohh disgusting it's sniffing the poo now. Now you know why I dislike doggies. Shit....I'm born in the year of the dog. The irony of it all.














Watching Hugh Grant on vcd now. Hmmm, he's quite a hot guy. When I grow up, I want to engage a butler like him.












What's daddy trying to do??? Why's he making funny faces at me??? Is he trying to amuse me???

Puleeze, it takes more than funny faces to amuse me. What does he think I am??? A baby??!!!








Alright alright, I'll just make him happy by pretending to laugh at his funny expressions.

*sigh* grown ups sure are weird and easy to please.















Mummy's eating ice-cream again. It looks really yummy. I want......

I can't wait to be able to eat solids then I can raid the fridge and the cupboards for all the yummy snacks that daddy and mummy are keeping for themselves.

Selfish parents I have. I only get the same old milk day after day.









Mummy is once again forcing me to take pictures with her. *yawn*














Damn, mummy just threatened me. She says if I don't smile for the camera, she will starve me tonight.

Better put on a fake smile just to make her happy.








My evil mummy just warned me to smile or she will release some red ants into my room.

Why is my life so pathetic??? Why??? Someone please save me.