As you can see i'm in a good mood. I'm watching my favourite TV show. It is on MTV and called Yo Momma. It's about a bunch of punk ass american teenagers insulting each other's mummies. It will come in very useful when I meet up with my baby friends. For example, I could tell other babies:
"Hey your momma's so fat, she makes the earth bounce out of orbit when she sits in her chair".
Or I could try
"Hey your momma's so ugly, your daddy insisted on using IVF treatment to conceive you"
Hmmm.. that was a bit harsh...but what the heck.
My daddy is holding me and as you can see, I'm busy staring at my own reflection. I just want to check daddy and I look similar. I can't understand why other people say I look like mummy and not daddy.
My hair is red/brown/blond, which is close enough to my daddy's black color.
My skin color is white, which is very close to my daddy's tan color.
Also my hair is short, and so is daddy's.
He is big, and so am I...for a baby.
I definitely look like my daddy. Don't you think so?
Something is on the ceiling. It could be our friend Mr Dinosaur. Mr Dinosaur is a lizard who has immigrated to our house. Just like daddy and mummy, Mr Dinosaur decided to leave his home and start a new beginning. Mummy wanted to kill Mr Dinosaur. But daddy and I disagreed. So Mr Dinosaur is now our friend. He agreed to pay for his rent by eating all the pests in our house such as mosquitoes and shitty flies. So far he is doing not bad. He is clocking his hours and trying his best.
Oops, Mr Dinosaur just did a poop and it fell on me. Wahhhhh, that stupid Mr Dinosaur, I'm gonna pulverize that stupid reptile.
Still with daddy. He is going to work slightly later today. I really value my quality time with daddy. It's something I can remember fondly about when I have to endure the rest of the day with mummy. Frankly sometimes I feel spending time with mummy is about as exciting as watching Mr Dinosaur take a poop.
Ah ha!!! You perv!! You thought you caught me naked didn't you??? Perv!!!!
I'm not really naked. I have those special skin tight outfits that makes it appear I'm naked. In actual fact, I'm fully clothed. SUCKER.
Ha ha.... I was bullshitting just before. Actually I was and am still naked. ha ha ha I conned you people. So dumb.
Back to my daily exercise. How long do I have to pretend before mummy picks me up?
Doing a flip. As you can see I figured out how. I still prefer to act blur though. I prefer daddy or mummy to carry me around. It's just more convenient. I have to save my energy for important things afterall, such as:
1. Growling (only at mummy though)
2. Eating (very important)
3. Pooing (Of course)
4. Crying (when i feel like getting mummy into trouble).
I'm trying to imitate Mr Dinosaur. Roar roar. This is how he looks when mummy is around. He is scared he is gonna get squashed so he is on high alert mode.
My cheeks are rosy because my mummy just slapped me. All I did was drool on her shoulders. Talk about bad attitude and overreacting. It was an accident. How was I to know I would ruin her silk top. I'm just a baby afterall. I don't know nothing.
Oh no, mummy is still angry. I think I'm gonna get another slap. I better pretend I'm ready to cry so she feels sorry for me.
Darn, didn't work. She just slapped me again. I'm so sad..I feel like I'm all alone in this big big world. Daddy, quick come back.
Shit, where can I get a phone. I need to dial 911. Mummy is going nuts. Please daddy, come home soon.
I can't stand the pain, I better bite something. Next time at Great World City, I need to get some self protection. A can of mace spray should do.
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