Wednesday, July 11 2007

Me again. I just had a thought. What if I was a boy instead of a girl. I sure do look like one also (albeit a very handsome one). What would life be like?

I could punch Fat Boy in the face and kick him in the nuts. That's a very boyish thing to do.

I could pull down my nappies and squirt wee wee on anyone that pisses me off.

I could look at the girl babies and slap their backsides.

I'm trying my best to look like a boy in a grouchy mood. I'm trying to copy my dad. We both a bit bloated due to over eating. We look very similar.

Here I am posing as a smart boy. I'm looking off into the distance as if I'm contemplating some important things. Notice I am wearing black. Not only is that rare, I think it's something a boy would wear.

Here I am looking like a fierce boy. The green thing is to add extra fear into those that look at me. It's like a unicorn horn, but even better. It's made of plastic so it will last forever, even after the earth is no more. Also I heard that plastic comes from oil. Oil is very expensive. So my green thing on my head is very expensive.

Me practicing exercises like a boy would.

Me grumbling about my drink like a boy would. None of this water nonsense mummy, give me a beer!

I'm pretending the drink is vodka. Actually it's just nuwater.

Me trying to smile like a boy. This is the look I would use to impress the other girls and get many girlfriends. I think I would be in hot demand by the eligible girls.

My usual routine with daddy. I'm wondering whether I need to keep looking sad or not. Yup why take chances. I better look depressed and pitiful. Poor Yoo-Ri.

I wonder whether dad realizes my scam. He is quite smart. Maybe no need to pretend anymore. I can just look happy when he carries me.

Look, I smiled. Daddy is looking the other direction so I sneaked my smile in just for the camera.

Here I am posing with daddy. I have my smart look on.

Doing the daily sit-ups with daddy. He's helping me train from an early age so in future I can beat the shit out of other kids.

Thinking of taking a dump. Should I or shouldn't I?

Notice how I can sorta sit-up nowadays. I have trouble being straight up, but I'm just a baby. I'm doing very well for a baby.

Actually I'm leaning so I can fart easier. I learnt this trick from my mummy. She is really disgusting sometimes. She farts like a balloon.

Bird's eye view of me. Don't I look small. Actually I'm almost 8 kg so I'm only small compared to a buffalo.

Taking a little siesta. Notice that my romper matches the sheets. I learnt this trick from a lizard. You can blend into the surroundings if you have the same color. One day I could be a super spy.

Can you guess? Yup I have my earphones on. Mummy was talking so much nonsense to me I decided to tune her out with some good music.

Fooled you. They are not earphones, they are buffalo horns! Can't you tell? They are large and green you ding dongs!

Damn work is hard. I need to call it a day soon. I've been working all day (actually only 15 minutes but it sure seems like all day). How does daddy do it?

Oy. Mummy get me out. Shift is over. Dun make me call the child labour abuse authority! I have rights you know. Basket. Work me so hard for what? I'm your daughter you know. Plus I don't even get paid.

Is it milk.... or is it food.... or is it spit coming out of my mouth. Even I can't remember. But sure does look disgusting.

My sports hairband is cool, isn't it. It makes me look like jenny from the block. My version of the song would go:

Dun be fooled by the rocks that I got
I'm still Yoo-Ri from the block
I had a lot and I have even more
The bling bling are now rubies
da da

I also have my own version of vanilla ice, ice ice baby song. My one goes like:

Fat Fat baby
Fat Fat baby
Look at me wobble and bobble
I got the moves any fatty could
Fat Fat baby

Practicing my sitting posture. I'm a baby so can't be exactly straight up..... fooled you again. I'm leaning forward cause I'm about to pop a fart.

Me with Auntie Von Von. I don't know if it's her hair or a necklace or what I'm pulling, but whatever it is, I want it. Auntie Von Von, give it to me. I'm just a baby.

PS: Notice where my leg is, I'm pretending to be a pervert boy baby. I'm rubbing her up discreetly.

I warned you didn't I Auntie Von Von. You think a baby no power huh? I haven't been doing my baby push-ups and sit-ups for nothing you know. Now give me the necklace or you really gonna get some of my meaty little fists. You just lucky you my Auntie. Otherwise I dun even give you warning. I just punch you. Grrhh.

Ha Ha. Just kidding lah. You one of my favourite Aunties. Let me just grab your hair real quick and we call it even ok?

She moved too fast. My flying fist missed her. Oh shit, hope she doesn't retaliate by dropping me.

I'm a hot babe. My romper says so. So it must be true. I don't always wear pink, but it's definitely one of my better colors. Suits my light complexion.

Hey earth to Auntie Von Von. What you trying to show me? I know people have 2 hands. Hold your hands a little more and I gonna drip some of my drool on them.

You trying to massage me, or torture me? Easy Auntie Von Von. I'm just a baby. Basket. I asked for some pampering from Angsana resort. Instead I get Auntie Von Von learn as you go massage.

I'm still feeling sore from that massage just now. I think she purposely just pinching me in revenge for feeling her up just now and trying to punch her. What's wrong with her? Holding a grudge against a baby like me is just too petty.

Relak lah Auntie.

Checking the structural integrity of my exercise equipment before I use it. A baby can never be too safe. Damn toy manufacturers sell any shit to make a buck.

I'm either very tired, or thinking deeply. I can't remember what. But damn I look smart.

Me with my dad after work. He sweating like a pig. What to do lah. Actually I'm sorta sweating myself.

My hair looks a bit yellow in this photo. It's because I went to David Gun salon and treated it. I asked for a straight perm but it was too damn expensive. What's up with that? I'm just a freaken baby and they charge too much. Next time I just get an iron and do it myself.

Me and my dad both trying to con each other and looking sad, even though we both very happy. He is a master of manipulating emotions and expressions. One day I will be as good as him so I can con everyone.

Notice my dad's hair. He has a little tuft at the front of his head. I want I want. I just need to grow my hair a little more then shave the rest. Daddy says his tuft is a lucky tuft. In the old days before he met mummy, it always helped get the chicks. I don't know what chicks are, but another baby told me chicks are baby chickens. I don't understand....