Just woke up. I dreamed that a purple hippo was trying to strangle me. Oh shit, I think a purple hippo is next to me... and I'm not dreaming. Mummy where are you!!
I'm reviewing some male models for a fashion shoot to promote my latest line of toys. I've come up with the great idea to market "toys.... for girls only". None of that barbie nonsense either. I'm talking about pussycat dolls type stuff.
Hey Fat Boy, get off the runway. You too fat, and too ugly to be in the fashion shoot. Get back behind the camera before I beat your saggy butt.
Dad noticed I look a bit depressed. Actually I'm really happy. I'm always happy when daddy carries me. But if I act happy he might let me down. If I act sad, he carries me longer. You have to be streetsmart if you are a baby. Otherwise you end up in the damn cot looking at the ceiling all day long.
Working lunch. I'm still reviewing the male model candidates for the toys fashion shoot. Some of them make me want to puke. What's up with that? Aren't they male models? They look like crap.
I recognize this thing in my hand. I think I've used it before. Can't figure out for what though. I'll just stick it in my mouth though since that's what I always do when I get confused about anything.
My big boss look. They can stick this on my company brochure when we try to go public. I'm sure our stock will go like hot cakes.
Eh enough already. I need my nap. A baby can't work all day long you know. There are laws against that kind of thing.
Hey mummy put me down. As normal she put me down in the wrong chair. Earth to mummy, earth to mummy, put me in my command centre chair so I can quickly finish work for the day. Put me in the pink chair for what? I admit it's quite well ventilated so I can fart easier, but it sorta gives me bumps on my skin. Not to mention bad lumbar posture which could give me back problems in my old age.
At least she gave me my new toy I designed and built. It's my latest creation. Basically you can nibble on it, spit on it, and if you really get bored, throw it at other babies or grown-ups. I made it heavy so it can do some real damage if thrown correctly. Let me show you.... oh Fat Boy where are you? There's a good fat boy. Come closer. ha ha.
Why is mummy trying to come close to us. Can't she see daddy and I are sharing some quality time together. I know you are my mummy, but can you freaken get in line. I was with daddy first. Shoo!
Good news is I get to start eating. I was sorta getting sick of that sour yucky stuff my mummy squirts out (doesn't the supply ever end?).
Bad news, the food is prepared by my mummy. Daddy already warned me it would taste like shit but I thought he was just exaggerating or kidding me. Darn. Mummy's food really does taste like shit. Daddy wasn't kidding.
Think Mcdonalds, come on Yoo-Ri imagine it's yummy. Hold your nose and close your eyes, you can do it.
Ok mummy I'm very full. Thanks for the food (Actually I'm still starving, but better to go hungry than eat that flavourless, possibly unhygenic attempt at food mummy cooks).
The evidence of my mummy's culinary skills. Come on lah, boil vegetables end up like this? How can? I bet she makes me eat it tomorrow. We need to get a freaken dog to eat stuff like this. How come I have to be the family garbage can?
I'm thinking of giving up food and going back to sour milk.
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