Thursday, June 21 2007

Hmmm, running out of things to do lately. Wonder what I should do.....

I know I know..I shall do an imitation of Lukas' expressions. :) :) That will keep me entertained for a few seconds at least.

Here goes.....

Note: If I look ugly in any of the below poses, it's because I'm trying to uglify myself in order to achieve perfection in my craft. Please note that I'm normally very adorable and sweet.



Lukas with a double chin and a nerdy hairdo.

Me with nary a double chin and a stylo mylo hairdo. Notice that I bettered the pose by having drool on my chin.

Note: I don't have double chin I don't have double chin I don't have double chin

To all of you aunties who say I am fat, have double chin etc, check this out. I've got no double chin and I've even got a long graceful neck to boot!!!! Beat that.

Lukas with his frog friend looking a dazed. Maybe too much whisky in his milk. Or he trying to look like his pet frog.

Me after drinking whisky milk and no tell tale signs of being dazed from alcohol overuse.

Luckily I didn't take after my daddy in this aspect, else I will look like a steamed lobster.

Lukas after a bath.

I just noticed he has very dark nipples.












Me after my bath with barely there nipples.

Damn. I look so ugly in my pictures that I feel like crying. Too much realism isn't good sometimes.

















I need to drown my sorrows in some alcohol. Hmmm, today mummy put vodka in my milk. Cool.....I like it.

















In this picture, only one of us seem interested in taking picture and it's definitely not me. I'm too busy drinking my vodka milk to bother.
















What's Auntie Von Von doing??? Acting cute ah??? Or trying to smooch me???

I'll only let you smooch me if you buy me a bottle of Absolute Vodka later. On???









Daddy's trying to smooch me but I'm turning away because I'm afraid he will be able to smell my alcohol breath.

















Nope, still not gonna let daddy kiss me. I better pretend to be busy looking at something.

Oh look at that big fat pigeon sunbaking under the sun. Dumb pigeon. Hope you end up in some construction workers' hot pot tonight.













There's me drinking from my bottle of milk mixed with gin. I'm having gin milk. It tastes totally Yummy with a capital M.











Ok then, it's time for me to doze off soon. Catch you tomorrow. Nighty night.

Wednesday, June 20 2007

Morning everyone. I'm still sick as you should know. But that didn't stop me from doing my morning stretches.

Oops, I better ask mummy to change my diapers to the non visible diaper line type of diapers. What type of crappy diaper am I using???

Saying hi to my friend Hippo the hippo. She's a really friendly hippo. Oh, did I mention her name is Hippo???

I've thought about it long and hard and I think I will be a doctor when I grow up. I mean it can't be that hard earning money as a doc. All I got to do is ask my patient to open his/her mouth and stick an ice cream stick up his/her mouth, use the stethoscope and press it against the chest for a little while, squint my eyes as if I'm concentrating and dispense some flu medicine and I'm done.

80 bucks consultation just like that.

Yet again, the downside is that I have to see my patients' stinky mouths and use my hands to feel them up. What if they don't have habits of bathing often and don't brush their teeth???

Die lah, I think I should reconsider my career option.

Back to earning money. I'm multi-tasking as you
can see. Nowadays business too good. What with so many aunties getting married soon, my new business idea is to rent myself out as a flower girl.

I'm so cute, I'm sure my sweet cutalicious Auntie Von von and my super sexy and beautiful Auntie Joei will hire me to be their little adorable flower girl. (as you can see, I have resorted to lying. I'll be forgiven though cos I'm just a baby and everyone knows that babies lie all the time.)

Ha ha ha See my line blinking away??? That's Auntie Big Boobs calling me to book me for her wedding. But I'm gonna play hard to get. I'm gonna pretend I'm fully booked. That way, I can ask for more money.

Am I smart or am I smart??

Taking a break from such a hard day's work. Phew. Finally, I can catch a breather. Mummy, can you help me brew a cup of milk??? (obviously I can't take coffee, you nongs. I'm just a baby.)

Oy mummy, you there or are you slacking off as usual??? MUMMY......I want my milk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life's hard nowadays so got to rest as much as I can. Here I am just resting and thinking about what I have achieved today. Basically I earned nothing. I was too busy pretending to be busy that I didn't pick up any calls and get any new businesses.

Never mind. It's another day tomorrow.












What do you think I'm doing???

Resting and relaxing la!!! What else?? I can't always be eating and working right???










Time for my massage as usual. Hey, stop taking pictures. I'm naked. Buzz off.












Aiyah, ok lah. Just one shot okie? Hurry take your picture and go away. I'm busy you know.













Hey enough already punk. Don't take any more naked pictures of me. What are you??











Ok lah, I'll oblige and let you take one last parting shot. You are lucky cos I just had my bath and I'm feeling really good.

Tuesday, June 19 2007

Another day in my life. I picked up a new trick. As you can see I can drink on my own. Could come in useful next time when I'm fighting with mummy. She can't starve me into submission. I will just pop out a drink and show her my independence.

Damn. you caught me in a smile.

No wonder I dream about animals, they freaken surround me all the time. Lucky they not real. Real animals like to poo poo and in my cot, only I'm allowed to poo poo. That's my rule.

Damn, this animal just jumped on my face. Can't a baby get a decent nap?

Should I kill the rabbit or not?? It disturbed my beauty sleep.

Damn, you just caught me smiling again.

PS: I'm smiling because I just managed to throw the rabbit over the cot and onto the floor. That will teach it a lesson next time it tries to jump on my bed. Actually I think I just killed it. It's not moving.

I look a bit crazy here. That's because I am. Wouldn't you if you just killed your friend, Mr Bunny?

What are you looking at punks? Slap you and then you know.

Still looking is it. Come closer, my arms are too short. I'll teach you a lesson you won't forget. Come come, don't be shy. I'll give you a sweet after that.

Just kidding lah. I'm in a good mood.

Still feeling good. I'm sitting on my chair. Taking a break from work today.

I'm laughing, but I'm about to cry. Been too soft on mummy lately. I need to keep her on her toes.

Should I start crying now?

This new doll is probably the ugliest I've ever seen. Look at its face for god's sake. It's so damn ugly it's scaring me. Where is Mr Bunny? (oh drats, forgot I ganna him already).

Hmmm... daddy was right. Auntie VV does appear to have boobs. Should I discreetly touch one to confirm it's real?

Auntie, it's nothing personal. I'm just following daddy's orders ok? If you feel some contact, it wasn't me ok? I'm just a baby.

Hmm.. maybe I shouldn't. Singapore has very strict anti- molestation laws. Not sure if babies can go to prison, but why take the risk? I'm too young to go to jail. I heard terrible things about prison life.

Ah heck it lah. Auntie VV I'm just a baby ok? I don't know what I do and I can't even control my body yet. I have no idea my hands leaning against your boobies ok? (Hmm how to tell if they are real?).

Need to ask mummy next time. She knows a lot about boobs.

Wait wait, what are you doing? Auntie Von Von, don't throw me into the dustbin. It's illegal!!! Look, no matter how angry you are, YOU CANNOT THROW ME INTO THE BIN.

Mummy just got angry with me. She gave me a slap. I'm going to tell daddy when he gets back.

Mummy take it easy. I was just kidding about telling daddy. Dun worry, I'm not a snitch. Please don't slap me again.

I'm in shock. I just got a double slap. My mummy is as fast as Bruce Lee. She is always picking on me because she so small, can't pick on anyone else. She too much lah, I know I'm smaller than her but come on, I'm her baby. Where's fat boy when you need him. Mummy, pick on fat boy, he's fat, plus he smells.

This is not me. It's a body double. My legs are very slim and trim. This fat ass baby has two hams for legs. Poor kid. I should match make her with fat boy. Match made in heaven.