Monday, July 30 2007

Here is a brand new day again. But as usual, mummy is taking forever to bring me my breakfast. Why does she take so long to just serve me some oatmeal and a banana???? What's up with that man!!

Thank goodness she is not working as a waitress, if not, sure to be sacked in less than a day.

Oy, mummy. It's about time ok. Come on now, feed me quickly. I got lots of things to do like flipping back and forth on the playmat.

Crap. What is it with mummy's food??!!! Everytime I finish eating her food, I feel like doing a crap.

Wah, it's a relief. Finally got rid of all the poison in my body. Phew..... Now back to eating.















I'm on the top of the world looking...
Down on my mummy and the only explanation I can find
Is that my daddy is tall and he's carrying me right now
His love puts me at the top of the world

(sing to Top of the World tune)

Note: If you don't know the song, you are dumber than a baby...

Hey mummy, don't try to take away my water bottle!!! What is it with you?? Why do you always have to take my stuff??? I don't have much in the first place. Can't I just have this water bottle filled with nuwater????

Oh craps....the nuwater tastes really crappy. It's worse than mummy's home cooked food man.

"hello hello...testing 1, 2, 3 Are you there??"

This is my new invention. It's something like a mobile phone but even better. It allows me to rest my head while talking to people.

My latest yoga move. It's called "Banana Split". Note that it is not as easy as it seems. Can you see 1 of my leg is behind and the other is in front??? It took me 6 months to master it.

Darn it. You got me. I was slacking off.

Now buzz off I need to get back to work.

I just finished my work for the day. Now I'm just waiting for mummy to pick me up so I can knock off. Mummy where are you? I'm done!

Hey where is mummy? I'm not supposed to work overtime you know. I'm just a baby.

Don't think I won't put extra hours on my timesheet. I charge 1.5X the normal hourly rate.

This is what I come home to after a hard day's work. I think I better go back to work.

Relaxing on my Ochim chair. It's got a vibrating function that massages my back and butt. It's supposed to firm up my muscle tone.

Auntie Joei, do you wanna use my Ochim chair?? I charge you cheap cheap lah. You need it more than I do.

Ho ho ho it's dinner time now. After dinner, it's time for bed. My favourite time of the day. It's the time where I can dream of my favourite foods and imagine myself eating them.

BUT I have to endure my mummy's food first. It's ok, little Yoo-Ri. Just think of Mos Burger this time round. Mos Burger Mos Burger......

Ok folks, it's time for little Yoo-ri to sleep. Now buzz off. I need my beauty rest. :) :)

Saturday, July 28 2007

Start of a new day. I've just broken this toy. It's a promising start. It's a weekend. Lots of things for a baby to do on a weekend....

Like sitting for example on the couch and watching TV. Just pretend you didn't see my shorts. I know they look crap. But what to do? My mummy spends all her money on expensive bags and clothes just for herself. I get the hand me downs, the crap stuff on discount that no one wants. My mummy got my striped shorts from the $1.99 store. Basket.

Moving on. I better do some thinking to exercise my brain.... ok done for the day, time to switch off again and go into baby mode.

Nope, I better do some more thinking. Should I do a sudoku puzzle? Or should I do a crossword? Mummy where is my pencil and paper?

Like Singapore public servants I work 1/2 day on the weekends. What to do? My mummy doesn't work so I do my best to help daddy out.

Time for my lunchtime meal. Food sucks as normal, but when you work as hard as me, I just treat food as fuel. I'm not a fussy baby.

Oh shoot. I've only had to endure a few cubes a day, mummy just prepared a freaken double serving today. I'm already starting to feel like puking. Mummy what did I do wrong? I promise not to do it again whatever it is. Promise.

Basket. Mummy gonna get her revenge. I'm about to eat something that looks as bad as steamed, pureed broccoli. Oh yeah, it *IS* steamed, pureed broccoli. Basket.

Even my foot is complaining about the food.

Take a photo quick while daddy is distracted. He doesn't like photos so it's a rare chance. I love taking photos with daddy, unlike mummy who is always pestering me for photos ops. She's like the paparazzi or something. Basket.

Catching some rays with mummy. I'm a bit white, need a tan.

Hey buddy on the bike, get the heck out of the picture. Can't you see we having a family moment. I'm going to get a stick so I can poke it between your wheels so you flip into the river you donkey. No respect for babies. Basket.

Darn I'm good. Bike rider ran away. Ok daddy take the picture I've scared away the stranger.

Do I look as tough as my daddy. I know, I know, I'm not quite there yet. What to do? I'm just a baby. But I'm making progress. I can scare the shit out of Fat Boy already. I need to improve though and increase my group of victims. Hey mummy, when is Ryan going to visit next time. I want to "play" with him...

Look at my arms. I've got huge muscles like daddy. Ok fine, actually my arms are filled with fat not muscle. But you think dummies like Fat Boy can tell the difference? Unless you don't know, most babies can't eat without their parents scooping the slop into their mouths, and they shit all over the place. No control. They are very gullible. That's why I can make money by lending them money. They all damn stupid. I quote them 20% interest, but ask for 40% when I collect. They still pay up. They would give a goldfish a run for its money in terms of short term memory.

Ok mummy. I throw you a bone ok? I'm smiling along with you see see? I'm a very charitable baby.

Hey enough. One photo I said. Let me go now mummy.

Basket? What you doing? I said one photo, now you taking 3 and still going. Give a finger take an arm is it? Just because I'm a baby you trying to take advantage is it? Basket.

Take a right fist! You my mummy and all but come on lah, even a baby has its rights you know. Now let me down before I give you a big kick to accompany the punch I just delivered. Basket.

Darn, she not intimidated. Fine lah, one more picture ok? Snap away daddy. But I refuse to smile this time. Take that!

How do you look so fierce daddy. Can you teach me? I wanna be a bully like you when I grow up.

How's that? Do I look fierce. Damn I know. It's not as good as daddy's. I need to practice some more. Maybe I should shave my head.

Friday, July 27 2007

Wah, there seems to be a big discussion going on between Auntie Big Foot and mummy. What's going on man?? I also want to join in.....

Maybe if I smile really sweetly, they would let me participate in the latest gossip with them. Come on, aren't us women supposed to unite and be one????? Share the gossip la!!!!

Ka Poey. They take me as what?? A dog is it?? Throw me a darn plastic apple toy and expect me to be happy with it??!!!

Frankly speaking though, this apple toy is really yummy to bite.

What's up with Auntie Big Foot??!!! She thinks by making funny faces I will be amused??!!

Auntie, my name is Yoo-Ri, NOT Fat Boy. Do I look so easily conned to you??? Please try harder okay??

At least shake your booty lah.

Walau. Actually, please STOP shaking your booty. It wobbles too much, it is scaring me. Please STOP immediately before you create a mini earthquake.

Ha ha ha Auntie Big Foot just tripped on her own foot and fell on her butt. Auntie, do that again lah. It's really funny.

Auntie, I was asking you to trip once again and fall on your butt. I didn't ask you to dig your nose lah, Auntie. Also, if you wanna dig your nose, can you please throw your snot outside of my mat?????

My mat is very sacred. It's my play mat cum yoga mat cum meditation mat all rolled into 1. Please respect my mat.

Hmm, I don't know why I'm smiling but I guess I must be in a pretty good mood today.

Oops. Sh*%, I forgot it's lunch time now. Crap. I got to eat mummy's food again.

Yoo-Ri, just tahan for a while more. One day you will be able to go to the kopitiam to buy food you like.

What are you looking at, punk??? I cannot sit down and relak relak ah??!!! Now buzz off before I kick your face in.

Auntie Big Foot, you bullied my mummy is it???!! You come closer, come closer.....I'll make sure I poke your eyes.

Nobody bullies my mummy. Only I can bully my mummy.

Basket. Why is it I suck suck suck and I can't taste the ice mocha mummy is having???!!!