Mummy always says that I'm so unladylike. That's obvious. I'm very good looking.... for a dude. I don't think putting me in a dress is going to change matters.
People say I look like my mummy though. I wonder what that means about my mummy's looks...
Stupid B%#&#(@, how dare you land on my mat??? Those freaken shitty flies really make me mad.
Now let's see if you can fly anymore. HA HA HA Oops, you are not even breathing now are ya??? Dumb fly.
Check me out mixing a cocktail. I've seen how those bartenders mix their cocktails. They just shake shake shake a cup looking thing and voila, you get a cocktail.
But I've been shaking my cup for the longest time and yet, I still get cheapo water. What's up with that man???
I'm still pondering about what step I left out while shaking my cup.
Am I supposed to play some loud music at the background?? Am I supposed to be standing up while shaking the cup??? Am I supposed to be winking at some chicks while shaking the cup????
What the heck. All my friends are lousy drinkers. I give them vodka, they ask for milk. Time to think of other stuff.
My tummy a bit fat. I look like my daddy. Actually my mummy got a little pouch too. What chance did I ever have to have a trim figure? Life really sucks sometimes.
I just beat the crap out of my toys just now.
I should be very happy but I've run out of toys to beat up now. All of them are either lying half dead on the floor or already dead.
Mummy, let's go out. Buy me some more toys!!!!
Mummy, let's go out. Buy me some more toys!!!!
Oy. Buzz off. Not only am I naked, I'm busy munching on a toy. Damn nosey people. Give a baby a break. I'm not 24 * 7 you know.
Many things are edible. Just need to be brave enough to try. You hit... but also sometimes you miss. This one was a miss.
Instead of trying to eat this thing, maybe I can use it for another purpose. Does it have another purpose? Damn, when are the smart people around when I need to ask a question.
Oh hi mummy..... hey daddy where are you? I need advice from a smart person!
This thing is hard to eat. I can't even get my mouth on it. Which iddiot invented this thing?
Don't worry my new friend. I only start victimizing my new toys much later.
Hey what you other toys looking at? Don't freaken get on my bad side or you all will get another round.
Mr. Optopus I'm feeling a bit bored. Maybe I will start victimizing you earlier than scheduled. Bend over so I can bite your ass and kick your nuts. We can take it from there.
If you see a wet and sorry looking Mr. Octopus, don't blame me. I got the inside story that the other toys beat him up and terrorized him. I'm surprised as the next person. I treasure all my toys. It wasn't me.
Bored again. What next for today?
This is my model pose. I'm thinking of trying out in a few months' time. I heard they pay well.
I figured out how to use my new toy. You basically beat the shit out of it and it makes a sound. The inventor was a genius.
Notice my eyes. They are not exactly brown like most other oriental babies. That's because my mother is a mixoid. My dad is pure blooded but his blood lost out. My mummy's genes seem strong. Strong like an unwanted weed in a garden of roses.
Hey Auntie Pinhead. Get out of my crib area. I'm already a bit cramped. Know what I mean?
Hey is that mummy's dress? The same one I accidentally peed on the other week and mummy forgot to wash. No wonder you smell funny.
You got me. I've hidden 2 of my favorite toys down my top. Mummy banned me toy rights due to my bad behaviour. But what mummy doesn't know, she doesn't know right?
Nibble Nibble. I'll teach you two to tarnish my name. Next time you complain to mummy I'm going to flush the both of you down the toilet... after I've taken a poo too so you have some company.
It's no fun nibbling on nibble designed toys. Where's the fun in that?
Ha ha, I just took a crap and I don't think mummy knows yet. But she gonna know very shortly when she leans over to kiss me.
Hey Auntie, if you accidentally drop me, i'm going to take off your glasses and poke your eyes. You've been warned.
Smile for what? You think I talk talk only is it?
So sexy for what Auntie Pinhead? This is our home, not a sleazy KTV, lady.
Where is the bucket so I can puke. Auntie Pinhead having delusions of being a pin up model I think. At least show us your boobs Auntie.
Something not right here..... hey the guy isn't my daddy. What's going on here?
Hey this isn't my mummy either. I think I'm in the twilight zone.
Food..... give me give me. Maybe I can fool these suckers into giving me real food. That baby stuff ok... but it gets dull after a while.
Come on. Steak. Seafood. Pasta. Give me them all!
Why is mummy trying to teach me to drive? Hey mummy you can't even drive. Don't put any pressure on me ok? You not exactly leading by example.
Hey pretend driving isn't that bad. It's sorta fun.
My new toy. It's a walker. Plus they have blocks with alphabet on it. They call it an alphabet walker. Pretty cool.
My daddy and me. We listening to one of his employees pitch a new idea. As you can see both my daddy and I are not exactly thrilled with what we hearing. We politely listening though. We both people with manners.
Ok we just heard something stupid. Time to give the "you're a freaken iddiot look".
My daddy saying to the guy. "Tell it to the baby".
What's up with the armpit hold. It's not very comfortable. I'm not sure if everyone noticed. But I'm sorta very heavy. I'm not a 5 KG baby anymore. I'm a 10 KG baby. My arms or my armpits can't support that kind of weight. Can't everyone hold me properly?
These two are trying to put together my alphabet walker. They screwed it up so bad we had to get a replacement. They worked for free though. I guess sometimes free isn't good.
Taking a snack break.
Ha ha fooling you. Snacks are for pussies. I'm saving my appetite for real food.
Damn. Food taking long to come. Maybe I should eat the snack after all.
I'm almost falling asleep. Damn I look cool in my pimped out pink hat. I look good even when I'm sleepy.
My intelligent look. They should put me in the Cimilac commercial instead of those dumbass looking babies.
How can those pretend smart babies compete with the real deal like me. I can even almost read and almost write. And I'm only 8 months.
Or if they advertizing a cool brand like baby goocci or something, I'd be perfect. Look at me. Attitude with a touch of class. That is what comes across. All the babies would be hopping on their strollers to get my outfits.
Or what about filial baby. Loved by mummies and daddies everywhere.
Or what about smartass baby. For the baby that wants to be self sufficient and very street smart.
Or finally what about angelic baby. Just put a pair of fake wings and I could fly up. Give me an additional bow and arrow and I could shoot a cat right in its nuts.
